Shinyuu
by SteadfastSonnet
Summary: Post-series oneshot fic where Fai has a crush on Kurogane who turns out to be aromantic and asexual, told in first person from Fai's POV. It's rated T just in case, but if you got through the series itself this should be fine.


When I first realized that the way I felt about Kuro-sama was a little...different from the way I felt about Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, or, for that matter, anyone, I'd just unwillingly escaped a brush with death in a decaying world called "Tokyo". I still can't tell you how I'd let myself become friends with the man while having every intention of keeping him at arms length, much less how I'd somehow ended up with _romantic_ feelings for him. At the time, though, it hadn't seemed very important. Just one more way I'd crossed the line. In that moment, I couldn't even begin to _hope_ for a future in which I didn't have to leave the others behind, or worse. _There's only so long anyone can reasonably be around something like me without coming to ruin, after all._ Or so I used to think, anyway, but lately I'm beginning to realize that that was a bit of an arrogant way of looking at things. Not to mention rather bleak.

These days we're still traveling. Our party's a little smaller, but there are no more lies between us. Everyone's finally on the same side and we've got nothing but time on our hands. Which, for better or worse, begs the question of what to do about my little crush. Normally, my answer would be simple. There's no reason to think that he sees me as anything more than a friend - a very close friend, I'll grant you, as most people don't really go hacking their arms off for just anyone, but a friend none the less. Therefore it would just complicate an already complicated situation to tell him I saw things a bit differently. Being completely honest, I was fine leaving it at that. An unrequited crush was hardly the end of the world for me.

* * *

The problem arose when Kuro-tan decided to go and do something unexpected again.

* * *

He and I have shared a room on almost every world we've visited since the beginning, but it took sharing a cramped tent together in Yama to finally get him to use the bed like a normal person instead of sleeping ninja style on the floor. Part of his reluctance was stubbornness, likely not helped by the fact that initially I may have teased him about it a bit (at one point I recall suggesting that maybe he'd be less of a grumpy puppy if he wasn't so sore from sleeping on the cold, hard ground). It's also possible Kuro-sama felt it necessary to uphold his dignity as a ninja by proving that he could sustain that sort of sleeping position long term, whatever noisy mages implied to the contrary. More than that, I suspect it had to do with his very wide sense of personal space. Whether that was a personality quirk or something brought on by ninja training, I can't say with certainty.

What I am very certain of, however, is that, until this moment, Kuro-sama has never reached out in his sleep to drape an arm across my back. Or, for that matter, ever made significant physical contact with me without a practical purpose of some kind behind it. That doesn't make it logical when my blood starts roaring in my ears and my breathing starts to sound like someone who's been jogging rather than laying on their stomach in a bed next to an unfairly handsome ninja.

He's asleep. Therefore this whole thing was an accident and I'm being an idiot. A pathetically hopeful part of me points out quietly that Kuro-sama doesn't so much as twitch when he's asleep unless he senses danger, and that hardly seems likely in a peaceful world like Nara. Actually, that isn't entirely accurate. Sometimes that sense of danger is a little too keen and has been known to wake him up even when there is in fact no enemy present.

For instance, I remember back in Yama it used to wake Kuro-sama up every time I had a nightmare. It used to happen almost every night back then. With no one to talk to and only repetitive drills to keep me occupied, it'd been difficult to stop my mind from going to dark places. The nights after battles had been the worst. It was a wonder I'd been able to function with how little sleep I got back then. I'd been tempted to use the sleeping spell Ashura-o taught me when I was a child. In the end I'd decided that as much as I'd already cheated on my vow not to use magic, it would be particularly contemptible (not to mention selfish) to use the same spell I'd used on Ashura-o to negate a product of my own guilty conscience.

Thankfully, Kuro-sama eventually adapted to sleep through my nightmares so at least one of us was well rested. More importantly it meant I didn't have to force a smile until my face felt like it was going to crack with those images (Fai, lying like a broken doll on the snow, all wrong angles and blank eyes or Ashura-o, reaching out arms drenched to the elbows in blood for an embrace) still screaming behind my eyes, just to assure Kuro-sama enough to make him go back to sleep.

Nightmares are fairly rare for me these days, but I still find myself grateful for that adaptation of his. Without it I'm fairly certain I would have woken him up already. I swallow hard and focus on slowing my breathing back down. Completely involuntarily, I begin to notice just how nice it feels to be held by someone. I'm still convinced it was an accident. An appropriate reaction would probably have been carefully moving his arm off and pretending it'd never happened. Instead I'm laying here, trying to remember the last time I was this close to another person without a practical reason behind it or something terrible going on. It feels warm. And inexplicably reassuring. My eyes slowly start to close.

On the verge of sleep I decide to double check that Kuro-sama's hasn't woken up, just in case. Cautiously, I angle my head so I can see his face. Red eyes flash open, then quickly narrow in a groggy glare.

I flinch. I know he must have felt it but I proceed on cheerily anyway. "Good morning, Kuro-sama."

He grunts something vaguely resembling "morning" before looking down at his own arm, finding it out of place and promptly removing it.

I laugh nervously. "You don't have to move if you'd rather not. I'm perfectly fine being an arm rest." I fully intended it as a joke, but when he merely shrugs, replaces his arm across my back and immediately falls sleep, I can't bring myself to clarify.

* * *

The next morning I don't ask Kuro-sama about what happened, though I sorely want to. For a start, it'd be a rather awkward conversation to have over something that for all I know means nothing. More importantly I cannot for the life of me think of a way to bring it up casually without making it some kind of joke. With my luck, the ninja will think I'm teasing him and get embarrassed or stubborn and never do it again.

I don't ask him the morning after that either. Nor the one after. Nor the one after that, though it happens every night now as casually as if it's been happening forever. It's becoming difficult to resist thinking that the possibility that Kuro-sama feels the same way about me might not be as remote as I'd thought. The prospect is wonderfully terrifying.

When I was sure it was just an unrequited crush, not telling him didn't bother me. I'd only ever even thought about it occasionally. A day dream here or there, that's all. Now...everything feels too real.

* * *

It's getting worse by the day. I used to be perfectly comfortable around him, but in only a month, I've started going quiet when he walks into a room. Twice I've managed to drop a tool I was passing him on his foot. He's still convinced it wasn't an accident. I don't blame him. I never drop things. Having steady hands is vital in spell work so I've deliberately worked at keeping them under control for years. It's just that when he went to take the tool from my hand his fingers brushed mine and I panicked. Sometimes just thinking about him is enough to make to make me giddy and light headed. It's intoxicating, but more than that it's infuriating. I can't think straight and I need to think. I'm acting like an idiot and if I don't watch it Kuro-sama's going to assume (somewhat rightly) that I'm hiding something important again and I can't...I don't know how to deal with this. I need help.

* * *

Through what can only be described as the powers of hitsuzen, the next world we find ourselves on is Nihon. I can't help but feel relieved. Who better to talk to about Kuro-sama than Tomoyo-hime?

It's spring time here and all along the route to the castle are cherry trees. They're called _sakura_ here, I recall and feel a little pang of loss. Every few trees, clumps of people can be seen sitting on red mats and (if their rosy cheeks and over-loud voices are any indication) drinking sake.

"Is there some kind of festival today, Kurogane-san?" asks Syaoran.

"Hanami," he answers without looking back. Whatever that is sounds like my kind of party.

From Kurogane's shoulder Mokona clarifies, "Hanami means 'flower viewing'."

The name is rather deceptive as there certainly doesn't seem to be much staring at flowers going on. "So they have hanami in your Japan too, Mokona?" I say instead.

"Mmhmm," she replies brightly, "it's always a lot of fun. Especially since Yuuko always gets the good sake." A frown crosses her sweet little face and makes my chest ache just looking at her. "Or I

mean, she did," she corrects soberly.

Kuro-sama ruffles her fur and says, voice full of gruff-affection, "Tomoyo-hime always has the best sake in Nihon, so no need to worry, shiro-manjuu." Mokona smiles up at him and snuggles into his collar.

"Oi! Don't you dare fall down my shirt again!" Mokona only laughs.

"Greetings esteemed guests!" calls out a man in a simple blue kimono, walking quickly over to meet us at the entrance to Shirasagi-jō.

"Hi!" replies Mokona.

"I would like to inquire as to you business here at...Kurogane-san? Is that you?"

"'Morning, Takahashi."

"And you must be his companions," the man continues, suddenly excited. "Tomoyo-hime has been expecting you, so if you'd be so kind as to follow me..." His words trail off as he leads us at a brisk pace over the crunching gravel through a dizzying number of turns and blind corners and finally into the castle interior.

Inside, the walls are made completely of wood with the occasional translucent sliding door. A third of the way down the winding corridor, he opens one and (after politely requesting we remove our shoes to avoid damaging the flooring), ushers us inside. The room is very large, but it's decorated with elegant hanging scrolls and an arrangement of fresh purple flowers. The sole piece of furniture is a small, wooden chest covered in carvings of some sort of bird. Some of the images represent the bird in flight while others seem to show it with its head thrown back like a wolf howling at the moon.

If politics at Ruval Castle can be applied here, this is probably an audience chamber meant for medium rank guests. A room meant for people of lower rank would be larger, and a room meant for people of higher rank would be more richly decorated.

Takahashi-san closes the door and strides purposefully over to the chest. "Her majesty wishes to present you with these," he explains, undoing the latch. Inside are several sets of kimono and sandals. He passes them out one by one with both hands, bowing each time he does so. Mokona and Kuro-sama get straight to changing. Syaoran and I need a little help, but Takahashi-san is very deft so it doesn't take long before we're all properly dressed. With this last task complete, he apologizes and rushes off (I presume to go inform Tomoyo-hime we've arrived).

Yet again my kimono has long, billowing sleeves which, according to Tomoyo-hime, make it a "furisode". Last time I wore one of these the sleeves tended to get in the way, but I suppose I'm not likely to need to do anything particularly acrobatic, so it shouldn't matter much. Besides which, inconvenient as they are, I rather like the way they look. It makes the kimono much more...elegant. I'm glad Tomoyo-hime kept them the same, though it seems about the only thing unchanged since last time. Instead of powder blue silk, this kimono is made of soft, light green cotton with an image of white flowers (each with hundreds of tiny petals) woven into the fabric between the hem and the obi and along the bottom of the sleeves. Now that I stop to look at it, I can see that the same kind of flowers are also on my obi, though they're hard to see because they're done in a completely white on white pattern.

I look around the room and spot Mokona wearing her own little kimono while standing on Syaoran's head. For some reason Mokona's kimono isn't a furisode. It seems like a missed opportunity. I'm sure she would have looked adorable with long billowy sleeves. On the other hand, what it lacks in billowyness it makes up for with bright purple fabric and numerous tiny white flowers covering nearly every inch except the wide, pink obi. I'm not sure what the flowers are called, but they have much fewer petals than the ones on my kimono.

My eyes travel downward to find that Syaoran's kimono is not a furisode either. This isn't much of a surprise as I'm not really sure how well the look would have suited him. Actually, I think that in spite of the small clump of flowers around the hem (his have a few interestingly shaped blue and yellow petals), his kimono feels much more understated. This is probably owing to the fact that the fabric is light brown and the obi (though green) is much thinner than Mokona's and mine.

Appropriately, Kuro-sama's is even more understated. His obi is thin (like Syaoran's) and a deep brown. The dark purple fabric is covered in a uniform pattern of circles with starts inside them, picked out in lighter shades of purple. Wait. I squint and take a step closer. Those aren't circles, they're some sort of flower with rounded petals.

Noticing the sudden attention, Kuro-sama looks up and rather unexpectedly starts laughing.

"What is it, Kurogane-san?"

"These kimono," he says once he's recovered himself. "Tomoyo-hime must have come up with the designs herself." We all look down at ourselves, but none of us can figure out what he's talking about. He sighs. Pointing to one of the circular flowers on his kimono sleeve he says, "Morning glories mean 'willful promise'." He points at Syaoran. "Irises represent a noble heart and impenetrable friendship."

"Oh! Oh! What about Mokona?"

"Jasmine flowers stand for friendliness and grace."

"What about these, Kuro-sama?" I give a quick twirl.

He paused for just a moment before speaking, but can't seem to suppress a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth. "White Chrysanthemums represent honesty."

I start laughing myself.

The sliding door opens again, revealing a servant, Souma and Tomoyo-hime. "What's so funny, I wonder?" asks Tomoyo-hime.

"We were just admiring your choice of kimono, actually," I say, recovering myself.

"I see." She smiles. "Good morning, Kurogane."

"'Morning." There's an extra bit of gruffness in his voice that gives away just how glad he is to see her. She must hear it too, because just then her smile grows a little wider. Souma on the other hand looks distinctly disproving at his lack of manners, but says nothing.

"And to you as well, Fai-san, Mokona-chan, and Syaoran-kun."

"Your highness," Syaoran and I reply, bowing.

"Good morning, Tomoyo!" Mokona leaps deftly onto the princess' shoulder. The princess turns her smile on Mokona and pats her head.

"Good morning, Souma-san," says Syaoran.

"Good morning."

The princess clears her throat delicately. "You certainly have excellent timing. I was just preparing to have a hanami with Souma and my sister. Unfortunately an urgent matter has come up and my sister can't make it, but would you perhaps like to join us?"

"Yes please!" I agree before anyone else gets the chance.

* * *

By the time we reach the court yard a red mat has already been laid out along with cups, pitchers of sake and trays of bite sized sweets. This would explain where the servant had rushed off to on our walk over. I sit down like everyone else with my feet underneath me, and I can already feel myself loosing circulation, but there's nothing for it if I don't want to flash everyone. Then I remember that there's sake and suddenly can't be bothered to care.

Kuro-sama starts to pour me a cup full before I can even ask. I return the favor then snatch a up a round desert filled with with sweet red bean paste. I munch on it in silence while Syaoran attempts to succinctly explain what happened with Fei Wong Reed and how we ended up on yet another journey. When he finishes there is a long silence. Tomoyo-hime and Kuro-sama are exchanging a look. His face betrays no discernible expression, but hers is decidedly sad. We can't have that now, can we.

"We still aren't able to control which worlds we go to," I cut in, "but Mokona's earring will take us back to places like Nihon and Clow more often than other worlds and if you're still worried about loosing touch with Kuro-sama, I have a little present that might come in handy."

My eyes flick over to Mokona and she spits out a pair of circular mirrors, one of which floats over to me while the other goes to Tomoyo-hime. Each is the size of a dinner plate and to the others they probably look identical. It's true that I put a lot of effort into making most of the details the same (for instance the caricature of Mokona on the back of each was even made using a stencil and the deep purple gems on each forehead are actually cut from the same stone), but the sigils glowing warmly around the mirros' edges are reverse images of one another.

"These are inter-dimentional communication mirrors," I explain, "but you can call them Moko-mirrors for short." I wink and Mokona giggles. "When you put one mirror in front of Mokona and she uses her communication magic..." I continue, holding the mirror in front of Mokona to demonstrate. "It redirects the end point of the spell from the shop to the location of the other mirror, like so." I nod. Mokona calls up her communication magic and within moments the other mirror sitting in Tomoyo-hime's hands starts to chirp "Mekyo! Mekyo!"

"Oh!" she starts.

"Then to complete the connection the person the mirror was meant for looks into it."

Tomoyo-hime angles the mirror so that it reflects her face and the chirping stops. At the same moment the princesess' reflection disappears and is replaced by a smiling Mokona. "Pretty neat isn't it?" Mokona's voice is magnified by the mirror.

"That it is," she replies, voice equally magnified. "Thank you." Mokona closes the connection and Tomoyo-hime's reflection reappears in the mirror.

"Not a problem." I wave dismissively. "I only wish I'd thought of it before we left Clow, but we'll be back before you know it and I can give Sakura's to her then." Strictly speaking, I don't _need_ a mirror to talk to Sakura. I can sustain an inter-dimensional communication portal between myself and almost any magic-user with sufficient power to be felt across dimensions (these days that means Syaoran, Sakura, and a handful of others I haven't had the pleasure of meeting), but there are certain...disadvantages. For a start I'd have to be present for any conversation between Syaoran and Sakura to take place. I'm not going to pretend I don't have an eavesdropping streak a mile wide, but it's a little different when the person you're listening to _knows_ you're there. That's just incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved. Besides which, after everything they've been through the two of them have more than earned a little privacy now and again.

There's also no real way to make sure that the other person isn't busy when you try to contact them. Overall the spell is very experimental. In all fairness, reliable inter-dimensional communication is a fairly niche need, so previous generations didn't put much work into perfecting the spell once they'd gotten it to work initially. Hence the need for enchanted mirrors. Once I'd thought of the idea I realized that they could be made to connect with any number of people in any number of worlds, so I also made up a set for Sorata, Tomoyo-chan, Tomoyo-hime, Chu'nyan, and everyone else I thought we might want to stay in touch with (plus a few unenchanted ones for new friends we might make along the way).

Each mirror only connect to it's "twin", so even after we distribute all the mirrors, Mokona will still be carrying around several nearly identical mirrors at any one time. I'm the only one who can read the sigils well enough to tell which mirror goes to who, so for the others convenience I added matching gems onto each set. A light purple for Tomoyo-chan in Piffle, a dark purple for Tomoyo-hime in Nihon, a pink gem for Sakura in Clow, green for Chu'nyan, orange for Sorata, and so forth.

Tomoyo-hime summons a servant with a come hither gesture. She carefully hands them the mirror and tells them to display it in her private quarters. When the servant has disappeared with the mirror she asks, "When did you have time to make these, Fai-san?"

"Oh, back on Piffle. Kuro-sama was stuck in the hospital getting his arm adjusted for a few weeks so I was bored I guess." Mokona swallows our copy of the mirror. I sit back down and get back to work on my sake.

"I somehow doubt Kurogane was a very good patient." she says sweetly. The man in question merely lets out a low "tch" and busies himself with a small pastry consisting of three different colored balls on a skewer.

"You have _no idea._"

Tomoyo-hime chuckles elegantly. "So what were the others up to?"

"They were both down at the park translating a mermish book. You have to hold it under a natural body of water for the letters to appear and that was the only one in the area."

"Mermish?"

"It's the language of mermaids," supplies Syaoran. "It's a pictographic language primarily consisting of seashells."

"Mermaids are a little like ningyo, but more human-looking," Kuro-sama says.

"And very beautiful!" adds Mokona.

"Come to think of it I could..." I start. Mokona has pulled out a drawing pad and charcoal pencil before I can even finish the thought. "Thank you, dear." I pull together a rough sketch and hand the drawing pad to Tomoyo-chan. "They look something like this."

"Oh my, they _are_ very beautiful." Mokona sucks up the drawing pad.

A spark of academic enthusiasm comes into Syaoran's eyes. "The first world we visited when we left Clow was made entirely of ocean, so there were all sorts of beings suited to live there, like the mermaids. They took us to an underwater palace made of silver coral and pearls and introduced us to their queen, Elvera." She'd certainly liked silver. Nearly everything about her had been bright silver, from her hair to her shimmering scales. In fact the only things that weren't silver were her dark skin and her pupil-less, emerald eyes.

Souma raises am eyebrow. "How did you avoid drowning?"

Mokona, seeming to realize she had not yet snuggled with Souma, leaps over to her. "Fai used a spell for breathing under water!"

"The mermaids use magic too and they have an extensive library at the castle that Queen Elvera said we could use if we liked," says Syaoran. "The Queen was very courteous and even let us take one of the books with us when it turned out we had to leave before I'd gotten the chance to finish translating it. I'm no where near done just yet, but it looks like it might hold an important clue to how we can go about reviving our other selves."

"That's wonderful!"

"Mmhmm. And everyone was super friendly," says Mokona, "I hope we can go back soon."

Kuro-sama makes a "tch" sound again. I take this one to mean "over my dead body," or something along those lines. He's impossible not to tease. I'm not sure why I even try to resist.

"Kuro-tan is just grumpy our trip was all research and no fighting."

"That's not it!" he growls. "I just don't like trusting my ability to breathe to a spell." _And those gills itched_, he adds in an undertone.

Souma tries to get us back on track. "So where did you go after the ocean world?"

"Well that's when we arrived in Piffle. Come to think of it we were there for quite a while before Mokona's earring glowed and it was time to leave again." Long enough, in fact, that Kurogane had found an opportunity to talk to me in private about what had happened with his parents. I made it perfectly clear he didn't owe me an explanation, but he'd told me anyway.

"And after that we landed in a place similar to Mokona's Japan and helped Kobato-chan at a sweets shop for two days." Syaoran continues from where I trailed off. "And then we went to Nara and stayed there about a month before coming here."

"What was Nara like?" asks Tomoyo-hime.

"Well," I say, "we didn't exactly get off to the best start there. When we first arrived the street was crowded with deer that just so happened to be shape shifters and as soon as Kuro-tan saw them he made some rather unfortunate comment about hoping the shops sold deer meat."

"Goodness!"

"Well how was I supposed to know they were shape shifters if no one told me?"

"You really didn't give me the opportunity, but at least I talked us out of trouble."

Red eyes narrow. "You as good as told them I was too stupid to know the difference between 'venison' and 'apple'."

"It worked didn't it?" I answer in an innocent tone. "Besides which, they were starting to form an angry mob and while I'm sure you could have handled them, that would have made our visit rather awkward, wouldn't it?" Kuro-tan grumbles something that sounds an awful lot like "still coulda said something else".

"We spent so long there that I really learned a lot about their culture," Syaoran cuts in, "their entire social hierarchy is based on a herd and they live an extraordinarily long time so they have a really fascinating way of referring to time linguistically. For instance they don't even have words for the hours of the day since they usually just count days as a single unit."

"And they're vegetarian!" adds Mokona.

"Well it sounds like you've all been having a rather exciting time so far," says Tomoyo-hime. "I really do look forward to catching up with all of you along the way through the Moko-mirror."

"Do you know how long you'll be staying in this world?" asks Souma, taking a sip of sake.

"Unfortunately, we never know just how long we'll be in a world," says Syaoran, "though so far two days is the shortest we've ever stayed somewhere."

"I see. Well I'm afraid I'll be busy with official duties until this evening, but before that I go I'd love to have a quick chat with Fai-san if he doesn't mind."

I try to keep the surprise out of my voice."Of course." I follow her the far end of the court yard. Once we're were out of earshot of the others she says, "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

I don't even bother asking how she could tell. "It's about Kurogane," I begin, then falter. Tomoyo-hime waits patiently while I try to arrange my thoughts. I swallow hard. My voice comes out a lot calmer than I feel. "Do you think there's any chance he might have feelings for me? Romantically, I mean."

She smiles kindly. "I've known Kurogane most of his life and he's never been in a relationship that I'm aware of, so to be perfectly honest I have no way of knowing for certain if does or doesn't."

My heart sinks a little.

"However," she continues, "if I had to guess, I would say the chances are very good that he does and if you really want to know one way or the other the only thing you can do is ask him."

"Are you sure it won't make him...uncomfortable if we're wrong?"

"Your friendship has survived a lot worse," Tomoyo-hime says, "but in the end it's your decision." She looks over my shoulder and frowns. "I'm afraid that's all the time I can spare just this second, but if you want to talk later, let me know, alright?" I nod and she goes back into the castle with Souma. I rejoin the others, who've polished off the last of the sweets while I was away.

Tomoyo-hime is right. I should just tell him and get it over with. What's the worst that can happen? My stomach roils treacherously, but I press on anyway. "So, Kuro-sama, this castle has a library, right?"

"Yeah." He eyes me suspiciously. I turn the wattage on my smile down a bit and hope Syaoran doesn't notice anythings up. This doesn't count as lying. I'm going to tell Kuro-sama what's going on in another five minutes and it really isn't anyone else's business, anyway.

"Well, I was thinking that since Tomoyo-hime's busy this might be a good opportunity to do some research."

"That's a good point, Fai-san." Syaoran is on his feet in moments. "Umm...how do I get there?"

"It's this way." Kuro-sama starts for the castle. Damn, should have seen than coming.

"Actually, I was thinking maybe someone else could show you. I was really hoping to get in some sparring with Kuro-tan."

Syaoran blinks. "Oh. Umm, okay then. Do you wanna come Mokona?"

She considers for a long moment, looking between the three of us. Finally she says, "I'll go with Syaoran." As she leaps from the ground on to Syaoran's shoulder I'm almost certain she winks.

Once everyone's gone Kurogane says, "You gonna tell me what all that was about?"

I sigh, letting the smile fall. "We need to talk. Or rather, I need to tell you something."

"I'm listening."

I'm afraid if I agonize over how best to phrase it I'm never going to say it so I just spit it out without any editing. "I'm in love with you." Okay, maybe a _little_ editing would have been better. "Maybe," I tack on lamely.

He blinks. "Oh." After an agonizing minute of thought he says, "So _that's _why you've been edgy the last few weeks."

"Yeah," I mumble.

"That would explain the furisode too, I guess," he says mostly to himself.

What? "I have no idea how that's related, but if you'll recall the kimonos were designed by Tomoyo-hime."

"I guess you're right. Still an odd coincidence though." his face turns thoughtful, "Does she know?"

I nod. _For the love of all that is good can we please stop fixating on my fashion choices for just a minute?! _"We seem to be getting off topic," I point out calmly.

"Right. The thing is I don't feel that way about you."

My heart sinks. I really should have known. At least now I can stop stressing myself out over it.

"I don't feel that way about anyone, really," he continues. "Never have. I don't get 'butterflies' when I talk to someone I'm close too. I don't imagine doing 'romantic' things with people. I don't look someone and imagine kissing them or anything like that. I kept waiting for it to happen and it just never did. I doubt it ever will." He shrugs.

Suddenly what Tomoyo-hime said about never having seen him in a relationship makes a lot more sense. "Oh. I understand." An awkward silence passes. "I think I just misinterpreted things when you started getting snuggly."

"That...that wasn't...I do _not_ 'snuggle'," he stammers, face turning pinker by the second.

I raise an eyebrow. "What exactly would you call it then, Kuro-tan?"

"Conserving space," he answers stiffly.

I snort. "Alright, I think I got a little confused when you started 'conserving space' with me."

"Right. So...would it be better if we stopped...conserving space?"

"No," I say, a little too quickly. I clear my throat. "What I mean is, it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. I won't take it as anything 'romantic', I promise. It's just...nice, isn't it?"

"It is." He agrees, then frowns. "But that doesn't mean I want to do...anything else."

"That's fine. I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable," I assure him and mean it.

* * *

It's been almost a year since I cleared the air with Kuro-sama. Thankfully the shy, clumsy me is gone and everything is comfortable between us again. He still sleeps with his arm draped across my back. Now we also read manga together while he runs his fingers absently through my hair, though I've recently been banned from talking during these "space conserving sessions" after an unfortunate incident involving making one joke too many about his favorite character's catch phrase. Flippancy aside, I'm starting to see why he's always reading them. The series from the Hanshin republic is particularly gripping.

All of this took a little while to get used to, I admit. At first I'd occasionally find myself regretting that we couldn't have the kind of relationship I'd pictured. In the end, though, I realized that what I'd really wanted in those day dreams of mine was to feel close to Kuro-sama and that's exactly what I have now. We're best friends, _shinyuu_ in the language of Nihon, and I wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
